Five Things (Canadian version)

Five Things
(Canadian version)

by brooklinegirl



Four sets of Five Things about Hugh, Callum, Paul, and Martha.

For Dira: Five things Paul Gross says while he looks at himself in the mirror:

1) "Hugh Dillon's got nothing on this."

2) "Martha! Martha, come here!"

His voice had that delighted, pleased quality, and Martha sighed and rubbed her head where a headache was forming right behind her eye. "Yes, Paul," she called back. "I've seen you, all right? You are just that pretty."

3) "I can't fucking believe he gave up this to do Slapshot 2."

4) "Did you do some voodoo, bay-bee!" *arms up*

5) He tilts his head to the side, going for that evil gleam that would never work for Benton Fraser. "Spank me, I'm a bad Mountie."

For Rhythmsextion: >Five places Paul Gross imagines Hugh and Callum have had sex

1) It's his goddamn set. He's the producer, he's the writer, he's the one who got the goddamn backing for it. But Callum stares at him calmly, and says yeah, but it's his trailer. Paul can hear Hugh's loud laugh as Callum closes the door right in his face.

2) The day they film the scene where Hugh's music is going to be used in the background, Hugh insists on being on set. Paul's doing the guy a favor even using his music, and he wants to tell him to screw, but Callum's looking at him, and Paul can be the bigger man. Still, when Callum goes to the bathroom and comes back to the set breathless, his hair damp with sweat around the temples and his lips all red, Paul fucks up his lines five times in a row.

3) Callum sits on the narrow couch in Paul's trailer, his stained copy of tomorrow's script on the table in front of him. He lights another cigarette and talks about when he went on tour with Hugh's band, as practice for that movie they did together. He doesn't say much, but there's more in the silence between the words that sends Paul's brain to thoughts of late nights on the tour bus, close quarters, tiny bunks, Callum sliding on top of Hugh, their legs tangling together as Hugh drags Callum close and pushes his tongue into his mouth, rocking up against him to the rhythm of the wheels as Callum moans and tries to shove closer, closer. Callum has to say his name three times before Paul hears him.

4) Callum comes to set one day after a long weekend away with what looks like rug burns on his back. Paul notices it when his t-shirt gets rucked up in the back, and he's staring, he knows he's staring, but he can't stop. Callum catches him looking and just gives him a crooked grin, and when Paul closes his eyes, he's got fucking Technicolor images of Hugh fucking Callum on the floor in front of the couch, pounding into him, bending him almost in half, while Callum pants for breath, his eyes closed and hands twisted into tight fists in the shoulders of Hugh's shirt.

5) Paul's director's chair. He's not sure, but he suspects.

For Lordess Renegade: Five times that Hugh really wanted to fuck Callum, but didn't:

1) In the back of the bus, on the last day of filming. It was 2 in the morning, there was a locked door between them and everyone else, and Callum's eyes kept catching the light of passing headlights as they shone through the back window of the bus. He lay there all relaxed on the bunk there, smoking cigarette after cigarette, and Hugh wanted him so bad his throat hurt.

2) On the set of Due fucking South. He came to pick up Callum. He leaned there against the wall and he saw how Paul couldn't keep his eyes off of Callum, how he tried too hard to be cool, and how he touched Callum's arm, his shoulder, his fucking waist, every damn chance he got. Hugh propped his foot up against the wall behind him, bent his head to light a cigarette, and then glared at Paul through the smoke. That guy was a fucking asshole. It made Hugh want to blow Callum right there in the director's chair with Paul's name emblazoned across it, like he was a fucking rock star or something.

3) When Callum came on tour with the band, they barely even knew each other, really. Still, the first time Hugh came off stage, sweaty and shaky and completely high off of just performing the fuck out of things out there, he saw Callum standing there right on the wings of the stage, where he'd been watching Hugh like a fucking groupie. He had a cigarette in his mouth, held between his teeth so he could grin around it as he slowly clapped his hands together.

Hugh's mouth went dry and his dick got hard, and he wanted more than anything else in the entire goddamn world to slide his hand into Callum's hair, slam him up against the wall, and push his tongue down his throat, knocking that goddamn shit-eating grin off his face.

4) Twitch City, backstage. Callum looked, fuck, about a decade younger than he actually was, and he was relaxed, and happy, Christ, yeah, that was it, he looked fucking happy. Which made sense. This was barely a gig, this was hanging out with buddies and getting paid for it. The day Hugh was on set, Callum kept pushing into his space, grinning at him, bumping against him, whispering in his ear till he got hard right there, naturally right before filming started, which made glaring at Callum on camera a whole hell of a lot easier.

5) Aw, who the hell is he kidding? Hugh actually did fuck Callum all of those times.

For Malnpudl: Five things that Paul Gross can't (or couldn't) have:

1) A career as a rock star. He went all the way to Nashville, for fuck's sake. He wore his best cowboy boots. He sang his heart out, he gave the record company his best smile and a helluva good handshake. And still? No record contract. He ended up producing them his own damn self, but he thought sometimes, late at night, that it wasn't quite the same thing.

2) Respect from Martha. She loves him, yeah, and she listens to him, sure, and supports him completely. It's just - he sometimes thinks she's oftentimes laughing at him. A little. Behind his back. He's not sure what to do with that.

3) Callum Keith Rennie. Not that he even wants him, really. Because, god, no, the guy is all - skinny and obsessed with his hair. Trying to be the cool guy on set when, hello, Paul Gross here, as the star of the show, thank you very fucking kindly. But Callum, fucking Callum, seems to be completely unimpressed. Paul thought he had him, that night in the bar, when he flipped a coin and suddenly Callum was his new co-star, but somehow, on set, it's like Paul is the one who's always trying to catch Callum's eye.

4) A tough-guy rep. He tries: he drinks, he smokes, he swears. He wears leather jackets! He makes fart jokes. He takes bad-guy roles, and just - no. No one buys it. He's too pretty, maybe, he thinks, looking at himself in the mirror.

5) His parents to leave him in PEACE. His dad has this whole online business, selling Paul's stuff, and you know, that's great, and hell, any publicity is good publicity, right, but, god, his dad talks to the people who try to order TH or L&C. Tells them, all proud, about how talented Paul is, and how Nashville didn't recognize that, and what fine taste in music the person has, and it would all be really pretty embarrassing if it wasn't, well, true. Still, Paul could do without his dad forcing that shiny silver pen into his hand, so he can sign a whole pile of CDs (six since the last time he came to visit!) before he's even allowed to take his (leather. With zippers!) coat off.


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