Vegan Cheese Babies

Vegan Cheese Babies

by Lalejandra

Summary: And Ken is like, "DUDE! YOU GOT INTERVIEWED!"

And Garett says, totally in a snotty voice: "Yeah, you would too if you fixed your eyebrow."

You know Garett totally called up Ken Wahl and was like, "Man, who's Anna? Babies aren't vegan? I just don't get it, man. How come everyone wants to know why I'm always in Richard's hammock? It's like they think I'm stalking him or something."


And Garett says, totally in a snotty voice: "Yeah, you would too if you fixed your eyebrow."

Then Ken hangs up on him, of course, and Garett pouts for a little while, before going over to Richard's house and ordering pizza. ("No, man, deliver it to the hammock, in the backyard. Yeah yeah, it's me, Garett!")

Richard wonders, sometimes, how Garett stays the fuck alive -- the kid can't hold down a job, can't talk to people, is totally a bubbling fucking teenager still, like he never grew up, never grew beyond a dorky sixteen year old kid interested in everything and never wanting to stop asking questions about how the world works.

Richard looks at him, swinging on the hammock, eating pizza, through one of the big windows, and then lets the drapes drop back. Then he looks at him again, out the bedroom window, and again once the wife is asleep, and can't stop looking at him, can't look the fuck away, and Garett's got no clue at all. Grey hair and a pudgy face and body and he looks every bit of his age and more, but blink once and he's twenty-five again, first day on the set to film the pilot -- and Richard had been so sure it wouldn't get picked up, God -- blowing bubble gum bubbles in everyone's face and giving people smacking kisses.

Once Richard tried to watch old episodes of The Sentinel. He called up Garett -- one of the only times he called Garett, instead of the reverse -- and said, "You know, I was watching the show --" They always called it "The Show". "-- and... I just..."

"I know, man," replied Garett, and Richard couldn't get a bead on whether he was sad, or annoyed, or happy, or what. "We are totally gay, dude."

That wasn't at all what Richard was going to say, so he just "Hmmm"d and let Garett talk. Then he watched another episode.

Yeah, it was gay.

Did that make him gay?

He decided he was too old to think about shit like that, too old and too married, so he quit watching reruns.

Once Richard jerked off thinking about Garett's hair. He wants to come all over Garett's face, and watch it drip, and get it in Garett's hair, and maybe Garett doesn't get it all out, and one curl of hair gets all stiff and gross and --

Richard felt really disgusting afterward, and kind of hated himself, and never did it again. Except sometimes he can't help it -- he doesn't do it on purpose, Garett just shows up. In his dreams. When he's fucking his wife. When he's away and jerking off in a lonely hotel room. When he's at Moonridge and Garett is just a wall away and Richard thinks he can hear Garett breathing.

It's disgusting, and Richard knows it, but he -- he can't stop, he doesn't want to stop, just keeps seeing it.

happy funyon home
Back to the GarettVerse Page