a state of mind that no one knows

a state of mind that no one knows

by brooklinegirl




Written for lucifcerofthecircle for DS Seekrit Santa 2006!

Summary: Ray finds out about Fraser's kink.

Author's Notes: thank you to justbreathe80 for taking time out of her crazy school schedule to beta for me!

The first time, it happened by accident. Fraser was pushy in bed, had been from the start. And tonight, he was all over the place, trying to taste every part of Ray, apparently, and Ray just wanted - he was so fucking hard and horny - and he just needed Fraser to let him do this, to let him rub up against him, to fuck him, to get fucked by him, something. This slow slide of Fraser's tongue over Ray's shoulder bone, the inside of his elbow, his belly button - that was all well and good, but there was a time for slow and easy, and this was not it.

Finally, frustrated, he pushed up hard against Fraser's shoulders, flipping Fraser over onto his back. He grabbed his hands - man, the guy was like an octopus, his arms were everywhere - and pinned them to the bed, hard. "Listen," he said, panting down into Fraser's face. "You've got to just -" He cut himself off, sliding his cock up against Fraser's belly, so good, so good, so fucking good.

And it wasn't until he was able to blink his eyes open that he noticed that Fraser had this funny look on his face. All wide-eyed and turned on, and staring up at Ray like he had maybe done something really amazingly hot, when all he was doing was rubbing up against Fraser, desperate to get off.

Ray was deep into it at this point, but he managed to stop moving and pant out, "Fraser? You okay?" He started to let go of Fraser's wrists, but Fraser said, "No, don't," all hoarse and intense. Ray looked uncertainly up at Fraser's hands, where he was holding them down, and then down at his face, where Fraser looked all flushed and a little anxious.

And when Ray experimentally tightened his fingers around Fraser's wrists, pressing them hard against the mattress, Fraser gasped, and jerked, and came all over himself. Right there under Ray, coming all over his stomach. And Ray, blinking down at him, just held on tighter and rubbed his cock through the newly slick path on Fraser's stomach. He looked at Fraser's blissed-out face, fascinated by this new and ridiculously hot thing he'd just found out about him.

Afterwards, Ray lay there on his back, where he had rolled off of Fraser, both of them sticky and the whole room reeking of sex. He was panting up at the ceiling, and his mind was moving in that slow-motion way that it did right after he came and was just about to lose consciousness entirely. With a great effort of will, he focused and rolled halfway towards Fraser. "You liked that, huh?"

Fraser's face was flushed, still, and he rolled onto his side, facing away from Ray. Ray's mind was slowly edging towards concerned, but then Fraser's hand reached back, tugging him close. Ray sighed contentedly and spooned up against Fraser's warm body, shivering a little until Fraser reached down with one hand and tugged the blankets up over them. They'd never managed to get a light on, so the room was dim except for the glow from the street lights outside.

Ray was close to sleep, his mind muzzy and drifting, when Fraser said, quietly, "Yes."

"Hmm?" Ray murmured, brushing his lips against the soft skin at the back of Fraser's neck.

"I liked it," Fraser said, all low, but by then Ray was too far gone to answer, and he fell asleep with his arm wrapped around Fraser's waist.


He waited a little while, a week or so maybe, though, man, he was thinking about it whenever they fucked, thinking about that hot, desperate look on Fraser's face the last time, like when Ray wrapped his fingers around Fraser's wrists, he got something, understood something that Fraser had never shared before with anybody ever.

And finally one night, right in the middle of some pretty hot making out, mostly naked, sprawled on the bed together, Ray took hold of Fraser's hands and drew them up to smooth, round wooden bars of the headboard. Fraser was breathing shallowly and he had the same wide look to his eyes as last time. Ray's heart kicked up a notch. "Hold on," he said, wrapping Fraser's fingers around the bars.

Fraser's eyes fluttered closed and his chest heaved, he was breathing so hard. Ray swallowed, and bent his head close to Fraser's ear. "Don't let go," he said, making it an order.

And Fraser - Fraser was good at obeying orders. Fraser held onto to the bars so tight his knuckles were white, and as Ray fucked him, he saw the tendons standing out in Fraser's biceps. Ray had Fraser's legs up over his shoulders, and was fucking him so hard, so good. Fraser was panting for breath and holding on, holding on tight. Doing just what Ray told him to, holding himself there, and fuck, getting off on it.

Ray's mouth was dry and he couldn't breathe. Fraser was looking up at him, all wild-eyed, his hair falling down over his forehead a little, and he was sweating and shaking as Ray fucked him. And Ray - god - he was losing it, he was completely losing it, he was going to come if he so much as blinked. He pressed in again, somehow holding on, bottoming out in Fraser's ass. He stayed there for a second, sucking in air desperately through his nose, before pulling back, both of them groaning as he did so.

Fraser was holding on, holding back, and Ray shifted his weight, managed to take Fraser's cock in his hand, stroking it as he fucked him quick and fast and god, god, he was going to, he - Christ. Fraser was coming all over his fist, and Ray was coming, too, shouting out loud, incoherent words of pure release, losing all rhythm of his hips, his hand, everything.

"Jesus," he managed to say, finally, as he rested his forehead against Fraser's sweaty shoulder. "Jesus. That was - " Un-fucking-believable, was what that was. Like nothing else. You read about mutual orgasms in every porn rag ever, like they were the be-all and end-all, and Christ, maybe they fucking were. Maybe the porn was telling the truth for once, because that had been -

Fraser's shoulder was still tense under his. And that wasn't right; Fraser had come his brains out. Ray could feel how slick things were between them. Ray had heard him crying out. But he was still tense. Ray raised his head with some difficulty and - oh. Fraser was still holding on tight to the headboard, like Ray had told him to. Ray glanced at Fraser's face, but his eyes were closed, his face slack and content.

Ray shook his head, grinning. Fraser had a kink. Fraser had a very serious kink. The things you found out about a guy. Ray reached up, and with shaky hands, pried Fraser's fingers open one by one. "Good," Ray murmured as he did it. "Good, Fraser, you're good."

When Ray had finally pulled Fraser's hands away from the headboard, Fraser's arms came immediately around him. Fraser held him close and pressed him back against the mattress, kissing him hungrily.

Christ. Ray tilted his head, happily deepening the kiss. He could get used to this.


The next time, Ray was prepared. No more messing around - he had a couple of ties from the closet that he had casually draped over the headboard. Fraser's eyes traveled to them the second they came into the bedroom. He licked his lower lip and looked over at Ray. Ray lifted his chin at him a little, and reached out, drawing him in for a long, slow kiss.

Fraser was moaning into his mouth by the time Ray let him go, and when Ray pushed him back on the bed, Fraser immediately scrambled to undo his jeans, shoving them down and off his feet, his shirt and shorts following swiftly.

He pushed himself back on the bed as Ray watched him. Ray was moving real slow, real deliberate, drawing this out. He thumbed open the button his jeans, then tugged his zipper down. Fraser's eyes were all pupil, and his cock was hard, jutting up against his stomach and, Christ, leaking already.

Ray pulled his t-shirt off over his head and tossed it aside, then crawled up Fraser's body, leaving his opened jeans on. Fraser's hands came up, ran down Ray's sides, tugging at him as Fraser angled his head up off the bed and went after Ray's lips. Ray hesitated, then gave into it, letting himself be pulled down, kissing Fraser messy and hot. Fraser's hand came up to curve around the back of Ray's head, tangling in his hair and holding him there, but Ray pulled away, sitting back to straddle Fraser's hips.

Fraser slid his hands up Ray's denim-clad thighs, looking up at him. "Ray," he said thickly, and swallowed. "You - "

"Shut up," Ray said gently, reaching up to grasp one tie and pull it slowly off the headboard. "I got this under control."

Fraser's eyes followed the tie as Ray leaned forward and pressed up against Fraser as he carefully wrapped the tie around Fraser's wrist, then tugged his hand up. He tied Fraser's wrist to the bars of the headboard with a good, basic slipknot. Just one hand so far, but the swift tug Ray gave to test the knot drew a groan out of Fraser.

Ray looked down at him, and his breath caught in his throat. "God." He looked so good there, just waiting for Ray to do this. Ray swallowed, and grasped Fraser's other wrist.

Ray went down on him while he was tied like that, his hands in fists against the headboard. Fraser gasped frantically for breath above him as Ray swallowed his cock down. Fraser's whole body was taut under him, and he kept jerking his hips up, like he couldn't help it. Ray loved the soft slide of Fraser's cock into his mouth, and he slowed it down, wrapping one hand around the base and sucking him slow, so fucking slow. He'd let Fraser's cock slide almost all the way out of his lips, mouthing gently at the head before swallowing him down again, as slow as he could.

He dragged it out, until Fraser was moaning, sweat beading on his body, as close to begging as Ray had ever seen him. Ray was so damn hard himself; he couldn’t stop pushing his dick against the rumpled sheets under him, close to coming himself, but holding back, holding off. He wanted to do this right; he wanted to taste it when Fraser came.

And finally, finally, he laid his arm across Fraser's hips, pinning him there, and picked up the pace, sucking him hard and fast and firm, as Fraser's moans got louder and he gasped, and came, jerking into Ray's mouth again and again.

Christ, that was so good, Fraser so hot for it, and Ray lifted his head, swiping the back of his hand across his mouth and looking up. Fraser was completely limp, gone, fucked-out on the bed in front of Ray. Ray was aching for it, desperate; it wasn't going to take much. He got to his knees, wrapping his hand around his cock and leaning forward over Fraser. It took just a few hard, perfect strokes and he was coming, spurting over Fraser's stomach and groaning out Fraser's name.

It took him what felt like forever to get himself together enough to reach up and fumble open the knots on the ties around Fraser's wrists. Fraser didn't seem to mind at all - as a matter of fact, when Ray finally managed to release him, he looked at Ray all hot and said, hoarsely, "Come here."

And when Ray moved closer, and pressed his lips against Fraser's, Fraser just - kissed him, and kissed him, like he couldn't stop. And when Ray wrapped his hand around the back of Fraser's neck and murmured, "Hey. Hey," gentle as he could, Fraser just said, "Oh, Ray," and kissed him again.


Ray liked this - maybe a little too much - almost as much as Fraser did. He hadn't really ever thought about it, not like this, but god, it turned him on. Just thinking about Fraser, tied up and wanting it so badly, was enough to get Ray unfocused and distracted all the damn time. He found himself jerking off to the thought of it, the memory of Fraser's arms stretched up behind him, the image of Fraser's face as he watched Ray, tense and breathless to see what he would do next.

It was some of the best sex he'd ever had, and he found himself putting it off, having everyday, normal, not-tied-up sex with Fraser for as many days as he could, each session fraught with the possibility of kink.

Finally, after days of being so edgy and turned on that he'd jerked off in the men's room at work and was still so turned on that his dick was hard in his jeans all the way home, he made a plan. And when Fraser came home, Ray was really patient and waited till Fraser had changed out of the uniform (in this case, the virtue of patience was not having to deal with buttons and buckles and hooks and all the other stuff that took way too much time to take off) and even until after he was sitting on the couch before tucking his fingers in the waist of Fraser's jeans and hauling him close.

Ray kissed him, long and sweet, and when he released him, Fraser was smiling, the corners of his eyes crinkling. "Ray," he said, his voice low. "Have you had a long day?"

"I," Ray said, tugging more firmly on Fraser's pants. "have had a very long day. C'mere."

He kissed Fraser again, and Fraser sank into it easily, pushing forward against Ray until he had Ray on his back against the couch cushions. They shifted until Fraser was between Ray's legs, which were hooked up around Fraser's hips. Ray was hard in his jeans - again. Still. - and christ, nothing could feel better than Fraser's weight on top of him, rocking against him, causing insanely good friction right where he needed it most.

He was so turned on he felt like his head was going to explode. And he felt the cool weight of the cuffs he'd tucked into his back pocket earlier, digging into him a little, ratcheting him up every time Fraser pressed down against him. Finally he pulled his mouth away from Fraser's, twisting a little under him to try to get his fingers in the back pocket of his jeans, while Fraser looked down at him, flushed and amused.

When Ray finally managed to hook his finger through the cuffs and tug them out, he held them up, dangling them from one finger. Fraser was riveted. His hands, which had been roaming up and down Ray's body, sending shivers through Ray, froze, and clenched tightly on Ray's sides. He stared for a long moment at the cuffs hanging there from Ray's hand, the metal glinting the tiniest bit in the light from the lamp, before looking down at Ray's face and nodding abruptly.

"Yeah?" Ray asked softly, tilting his head up to kiss Fraser.

"Yeah," Fraser said against his lips, and then, as he lifted his head, "Yes," firmly.

"Okay, then." Ray felt short of breath, which was silly, because they had done this. Stuff like this. Holding down, holding on, tying up. All those were the exact same thing, right? Right.

Only, the handcuffs seemed really very - something. Stepping it up a notch. Adding metal and keys and locks and permanence to this whole thing, saying that this was what they did, that this was what they liked, got off on, wanted, whatever. This was -

Fuck it. He dragged Fraser off the couch and into the bedroom. He fucking wanted this.

When he'd finally gotten Fraser stripped down and spread out in front of him, he tugged Fraser's arms up, checking that the angle would be okay, that it wouldn't make the cuffs tear at his wrists. He paused for a second before hooking the first cuff around Fraser's left wrist, looking down at him and asking again, quiet, "You sure?"

Fraser nodded several times, and Ray swallowed, and snapped the cuff on, first around Fraser's wrist - Fraser groaned at that, and Ray's cock jerked - and then threaded it through the bars, and brought it around to Fraser's other wrist. When he closed the second cuff, not too tight, with a snap, they both groaned, and that was just - yeah.

Ray didn't have patience tonight, didn't know how long he could hold on, even. God, he was just - he was tight here, wound up, needing it. When he got out the lube, Fraser's eyes tracked it and he spread his legs a little bit on the bed.

When Ray used the lube to slick himself up, pressing his fingers inside himself, Fraser's teeth sank into his bottom lip so hard Ray was sure he was going to draw blood. And when Ray pulled his slick fingers out of himself and wrapped them around Fraser's cock, Fraser was panting so hard, Ray thought he might actually be about to come right there. He tightened his fingers. "Don't," he said. "Just - hang on."

Fraser nodded his head, still panting. "Yes, I - yes."

"Okay, then." Ray moved forward, straddling Fraser and holding onto his cock. When he eased himself down on it, Fraser shut his eyes tight, sucking in air through his nose. His hands, wrists circled by the silver cuffs, were clenched in fists. They fucked like that, hard and desperate, and Ray's thigh muscles were burning but he could hardly feel it, because, god, this was just - Fraser's fingers kept clenching and unclenching, straining against the cuffs, and Fraser's cock inside him was hitting him at this incredible angle that was killing him with how good it was, and - god, god, this was - he wasn't going to be able to -

It was just perfect, and too fucking much, all at the same time, and Ray gasped, and came, his cock jerking and spurting right there between the two of them.

Usually, after he came, he was d-o-n-e DONE. Down for the count, over and out. This time, he just - he wanted more. Fraser's cock was still hard and hot inside of him, and Fraser's hands, still in the cuffs, were clenched in tight fists. Ray leaned a little, making both of them moan, and got the key off the nightstand. His hands were a little shaky, but he managed to get it into the hole of one cuff, turning it slowly and releasing Fraser's hand.

Fraser immediately brought his hand to Ray's hip. He yanked the cuffs through the bars and then his other hand was free, the cuffs still dangling. And just like that, Ray was on his back, on the bed, and Fraser was - somehow. Some way. - still inside of him, and oh, holy fuck, Fraser had him pinned, Fraser was fucking him, hard and fast.

This wasn't going to last long, not long at all, not with the way Fraser was panting above him and just going for it, fucking him so good -

Fraser slammed into him, and again, and again, and then he was coming, his forehead against Ray's shoulder, sobbing out breaths and jerking so deep inside Ray.

Ray, for his part, just held onto Fraser so tight his fingers ached, clutching at him and murmuring nonsense into his ear as he held him through his shaking.

Afterwards - afterwards, Fraser let Ray remove the cuffs entirely. Let him touch him there, the red, angry marks left on his wrists by the metal. Fraser would have to leave his uniform coat on all day tomorrow, because these were - yeah, pretty fucking obvious.

Fraser's wrists had to hurt, had to be sore, but Ray couldn’t keep away from them, couldn't keep from running his fingers lightly over them. He turned Fraser's hand over and pressing his lips softly against the inside of his wrist, while Fraser breathed in hard, and pressed his wrist up against Ray's mouth.

"God," Ray said finally, lifting his mouth from Fraser's skin.

"Yes," Fraser said softly, from where he was lying there, limp and spent, watching Ray. His hand was soft in Ray's hair as Ray lowered his mouth to kiss Fraser's skin just one more time.


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