The One With All the Gazing

by brooklinegirl (witchbaby)

8/2000


Murdock looked over at his friend. They had been sitting in companionable silence since Face had come to join him in the afternoon sun. Face had been in charge of breaking Murdock out of the VA a few days early. They had some downtime before Hannibal and BA returned from setting up the Mr. Lee scam for the latest client. Faceís currently scammed residence was a gorgeous house with a sprawling backyard.

Murdock had gone out on the back porch to bask in the sun and his freedom from the VA. Face had let him go out on his own; he had seemed uncomfortable when Murdock invited him out to relax with him. Several minutes later, however, the young lieutenant had ambled his way out to the porch and settled down beside Murdock.

Murdock ran his eyes over the younger man, taking in his weary state. Face's hair was disheveled, which was odd for someone who was usually so careful about his appearance. It became obvious that it was due to the man repeatedly running his fingers through his hair and Murdock found himself once again restraining the desire to push Face's hair back into place. Instead he put his hand on Face's shoulder to get his attention. Face jumped at the touch.

"Hey, Faceman, what's wrong?" Murdock was worried.

Face glanced over at Murdock, held his gaze for a moment, then quickly looked away and, placing his head in his hands, ran his fingers through his thick, sandy hair once more. "Nothing, Murdock. Nothing. I'm fine, I'm just...tired."

"Tired from what? It's been a pretty quiet month for us; you should have had time to recover from that last mission. Or....been tiring yourself out with the girls again?" Murdock mentally cursed himself for seeking out information he didn't really want to hear. If Face had himself in this state over a girl, it must be pretty serious, and Murdock found that he couldn't stand the idea of Face getting serious over a girl.

Face's shoulders slumped even further, and he sighed.

Murdock's gaze darkened, and he wanted to look away, but couldn't pull his eyes from his friend's forlorn form. "C'mon, Face, which one is it this time? Looks like some girl's got you hooked good and proper, all right." He tried hard to make his tone teasing, light, but wasn't sure if he succeeded.

The young lieutenant's face was buried in his hands and his voice came out muffled and despairing. "Aw, Murdock, I just don't know what I'm gonna do. I'm supposed to be concentrating on this mission but my thoughts are everywhere at once."

He fell silent, and Murdock said quietly, "Faceguy. If you can't tell me, who can you tell? I'm crazy, who am I to judge other people's mental problems?"

Murdock's heart beat faster, as he found himself turning once again to humor, to insanity. It was a front for his real emotions; emotions that he could in no way allow to be exposed. He had no intention of ever scaring Face away like that. The very least he could do was to be the best friend possible.

Face straightened from his slouch and stretched all the way down his body, with his eyes closed. Murdock managed to tear his eyes away before Face turned to him. Face looked at him with a kind of desperation.

"Murdock, you're right, you're the one I can tell anything, knowing you wonít judge me." He paused and Murdock kept gazing into those blue eyes, unable to tear himself away. Realizing that he had held the gaze too long, he forced himself to relax, dropping his hand to Face's knee, in a way he hoped would be construed as companionable. Face started at the touch, but didn't pull away. As a matter of fact, it seemed to relax him, and Murdock let the hope sneak into his heart that this wasn't about a woman.

"Murdock, have you ever...?Ē Face paused, apparently gathering his scattered thoughts. "Your friendship means more to me than anything. We've been closer than ever in the past few months, and I don't want to make things any more complicated for you, or to hurt you, but..."

Murdock broke in. "But what, I bug you, is that all? Your crazy friend, the one you always get stuck taking care of, right? Don't worry so much, Face, I don't need looking after, it just seemed right, I guess, but I wouldn't want to hold you back or anything." Murdock was trying desperately to sound casual, crazy, normal, cringing at the bitter tone that somehow crept into his voice. He got up abruptly and turned away in an attempt to hide the hurt in his eyes, even though he was trying to tell himself that he understood, that he wasn't going to force himself on Face in any way. He stuffed his hands into his pockets and walked down to the other end of the porch, rather than storming off.

Face had jumped up a moment after Murdock did, shock and surprise in his eyes. "Murdock..." he said. Then more firmly, "Murdock." He swiftly followed the lanky pilot down the porch and grabbed his arm. Murdock swung around to face him, unable to hide the hurt and flash of tears in his eyes.

"Murdock, that's not it at all. At all," Face said desperately.

"Face," Murdock said, his voice breaking, then abruptly tried to turn away again.

Face pulled him back, and Murdock stumbled into him blindly. Face, before he could stop himself, acted on his deepest instinct, and found himself taking Murdock's face in his hands and pressing his lips against Murdock's. The kiss lasted only a second before Face pulled away, his face flaming, not quite believing what he had just done, his blood rushing in his ears. He was terrified that his action had just made things much, much worse.

Murdock stood staring at Face, feelings of shock and hope chasing each other around his brain. Could this even be happening? "Face, I..."

"Murdock, I'm sorry." Face said despairingly. "I guess this is what I've been trying to tell you, I..."

"Face." And finally giving in to the desire he had hidden for so long, Murdock placed his hands on the younger man's hips and pulled Face towards him as he delivered a return kiss. Face's body lost its tension and seemed to melt into Murdock's, as the kiss grew deeper, their tongues probing together, tasting each other for the first time.

Slowly, they pressed harder against each other and as they acknowledged feelings long hidden, their excitement grew, and Murdock could suddenly feel Face's erection pressing against his rapidly growing own. As he shifted, rubbing against him, Murdock couldn't stop himself from letting out a soft moan against Face's mouth.

At the sound, Face's hands fell to Murdock's hips and pulled him tightly against him, pressing himself hard against the pilot. After several moments of this, Murdock forced himself to pull back. "Ah, Faceguy", he managed to say hoarsely. "We should go inside."

The implications of what they were doing seemed to slowly dawn on Face, but it didnít disturb him as much as he thought it would. His worries about what this might do to his life, Murdockís life, their friendship, faded away. This just felt so right. He smiled. "You're right. Let's go upstairs." Face cleared his throat and stepped back, glancing ruefully down at the bulge in his pants. "Um, so much for the womanizer of the team." He looked up at Murdock with a gleam in his eye, comfortable with himself for the first time in a long time. "Thank God!" Murdock responded with a grin, then gave Face a little push to get him started into the house.

After going to one of the upstairs bedrooms and carefully closing and locking the door, they turned and looked at each other. Murdock tried to put the passion he was feeling momentarily on the backburner. He knew that they had to discuss a few things before he could let this go further. "Face, how did this happen? How did you...?"

Face tried a suave smile. "Those eyes, that grin. What can I say? I was hooked, baby."

Murdock just looked at him, and Face dropped the con routine. He sighed. "Murdock, we've been as close as two friends can be for so long. For a while now, the thought of taking it to another level has been there, but I just couldn't face it, couldn't face you, until I was sure enough of myself. I knew it was a risk to our friendship. I didn't want to mess that up. I never guessed that you felt the same way; would have made things a whole lot easier if I had."

He had been gazing at Murdock as he made this speech, and now Murdock made a small movement with his hand, as though to reach out to Face, then he restrained himself. Face smiled, walked over to Murdock, and kissed him lightly on the lips. "There shouldn't be anything to worry about, not anymore, not now. The only way we can hurt each other is by lying to ourselves. I, of all people, should know that."

They were nose to nose, hands on each other's hips. Murdock kissed Face, hesitantly at first, then deeper, more feverishly, his tongue probing deep into Face's mouth. Face responded eagerly, and the two men pressed their hips together, the hardness of their erections grinding together.

Finally Face broke off the kiss, gasping, "Bed. We should go to bed."

"Right." Murdock said breathlessly, pulling back to gaze into Face's clear blue eyes. "Right."

Holding Murdock's gaze, Face made a backward movement towards the bed, but stopped when Murdock didn't move with him. The lean pilot seemed frozen in place, still looking into Face's eyes.

"Murdock", Face said, placing his hand on Murdock's cheek. Murdock rested his face in Face's hand and closed his eyes. "Murdock," Face repeated hesitantly. "If doing this is going to make things more difficult for you, we don't have to...."

At the worried tone in Face's voice, Murdock's eyes snapped open. He took Face's hand from his cheek and kissed his palm. "Face, I've been thinking about this for a long, long time...probably accounts for my usual abstracted state." His deep brown eyes crinkled with his gorgeous grin.

Face felt himself melting into that grin, experiencing feelings that overcame all possible hesitations in his soul. Yeah, feeling this way about a guy scared him...scared him a lot. But it was true: when he fell into that grin, those eyes, all that worry fell away. This was Murdock, who he could trust with his life, had trusted with his life on any number of occasions. To have this chance was worth everything.

Face realized he had been looking at Murdock in silence for too long, and felt himself blushing, as Murdock's grin grew wider. "Face..." Murdock breathed. He leaned in, hesitated for just a moment with his lips a breath from Face's own. He looked deep into Face's eyes, and Face held his gaze. "This has always been all I've ever wanted. It's always been you." Murdock closed his eyes and pressed his lips to Face's, softly at first, then more firmly, feeling the heat rising between them as he broke the kiss, both of them gasping for breath. He looked down at the young lieutenant, a self-deprecating smile on his face. He murmured, "Too, too easy to get lost in those baby-blues."

This time there was no holding back on either side as the two of them came together, feverishly kissing, their two bodies pressed close. This time it was Murdock who urged them toward the bed, without stopping the kiss, the two of them moving blindly backwards. They reached the bed and paused, Murdock's fingers working swiftly down the buttons of Face's white shirt, pushing it off of him, leaving Face clad only in his jeans. Face ran his own hands down Murdock's muscular shoulders, feeling the warm skin through the T-shirt, then kissed his way down Murdock's neck, burying kisses in the tanned skin, eliciting a quiet groan from the other man. Murdock's hands tightened on Face's waist, and he felt himself get hard, hard like steel, wanting at the same time to both satiate himself immediately, and take all the sweet time in the world pleasuring them both.

Murdock took a deep breath as Face pulled his t-shirt off over his head. It left his hair mussed forward, and Face gave him a slow smile. "That makes you look so sexy."

Murdock ran a hand ruefully through his receding hairline, then reached up to run his hand through Face's sandy locks as he had yearned to do so many times. His eyes crinkled in another grin. He pushed Face back onto the bed and Face pulled Murdock down with him. Lying beside Face, Murdock kissed him and ran his hand down Faceís bare chest without hesitation. He stopped when he got to the waistband of his jeans, and Face groaned against Murdock's mouth, took his hand, and pressed it urgently to his throbbing crotch. Murdock gasped as he felt Face's hard cock, which was tightly straining the denim, and he stroked it through the jeans, causing Face to groan once more and arch up against Murdock's hand. Murdock himself was as hard as he had ever been. His cock throbbed as he pressed it against Face's thigh.

Face caught Murdock's gaze and gasped, "Murdock, we've got to get rid of these pants." Murdock grinned down at him and teased "Getting all antsy there, Facey?" Face urgently lifted his hips up off the bed and pressed himself against Murdock. Murdock gasped as their hard members made contact, his eyes wide. "Okay, okay," he managed to say. He swiftly stood up and stripped off his own pants as Face lay back on the bed, his bronze chest heaving, and locked his hands behind his head as he deliberately allowed his gaze to travel down Murdock's muscled body. Murdock met his passion-filled look, then hooked his thumbs over the waistband of his boxers and pulled them off over his erection.

He quickly knelt over Face's prone body on the bed and Face lay gazing up at him. He met Face's eyes, then let his hands travel down to unbutton and slowly unzip Face's jeans. Face maintained eye contact, but again arched his hips and gasped as Murdock's hand made contact with his hard cock. Murdock swiftly pulled off Face's jeans and shorts, leaving him lying naked on the bed. He paused for a moment, kneeling over him, running his eyes down the near-perfect figure. Murdock met Face's eyes, and flashed him a smile. "You're like my own little Greek god, right here."

His eyes traveled down to the hard cock, and he reached to run his fingers along its length, causing Face's erection to throb, and Face to gasp once again. Murdock's grin broadened and he amended, "Well, not little."

Face laughed up at Murdock, grabbing him around the waist and pulling him down on top of him. "C'mere, you," he murmured against Murdockís mouth then, kissing him deeply, used his hips to lever Murdock up off of the bed and reversed their positions, so that Face was on top. All of his inhibitions were gone, vanished, and Face adored the feeling. He was pressed against Murdock, gazing down into his huge, dilated eyes. He saw passion, love....and utter trust. He pressed himself against the tall pilot, felt Murdock's erection throbbing against him.

Murdock's breath was coming fast, and his cheeks were flushed. He pressed himself urgently against Face, feeling their erections rub together. Face, still gazing into Murdock's eyes, thrust himself against Murdock and groaned, "Murdock...Murdock, I've never wanted anyone, any of those women, the way I want you--the way I've wanted you, for so long."

Murdock gasped, at a loss for words, bucking up against Face's body. Face lowered his mouth to the pilotís, kissing him passionately, trying to convey in that kiss all of the feelings he had hidden, from both Murdock and himself, for so very long. By the time he pulled away, they were both trembling. Murdock placed his strong hands on the younger man's hips and thrust himself up against him. "God, Face, god," he groaned. "You're making me crazy." Face, his cheeks flushed, grinned down at him. "Really? And here I thought you'd been crazy all along."

Murdock grinned up at Face, then used his hands on Face's hips to maneuver himself against him, hard, his cock pressed against Face's, the friction almost to wonderful to bear. He could feel them sliding together, their pre-come providing lubrication.

Face's breath was coming in gasps as he moved his hips against Murdock's, the strong hands pulling at him, driving him towards climax. "Murdock..." He gasped, grabbing at the bedsheets, struggling to get closer to the pilot. "Oh, god, Murdock, please, please!"

Murdock felt himself get even harder, felt the hot come boiling up inside him. Abruptly, he flipped Face over, eliciting a long drawn out groan as he rolled over on top of him, thrusting hard, his hands still on Face's hips, Face's hands clutching at his ass.

Face moaned loudly, bucking up against him. "Murdock...please! Oh, god...". Murdock was moaning loudly, his left hand wrapped in Face's hair, his right clutching Face's hip. He slid and thrust hard against him, still unable to believe that it was Face he was doing this with, Face. "Oh, god, Face," he moaned. "Please..." And as he desperately thrust against him, he felt Face buck wildly, let out a moan that shook the bed, "Oh, god, Murdock, now!" and arched his back as he exploded against him. That warm wetness was all Murdock needed to push him over the edge into climax, and he felt himself pump out against Face as Face's body was still subsiding from his orgasm.

They lay together quietly, exhausted, recovering. Murdock attempted to pull away, murmuring, "Donít wanna crush you", but Face languidly pulled him back, saying, "Not so fast babe", and pulling him into a kiss. "Although", he amended, looking ruefully down between them, "we should probably get cleaned up." He looked up into Murdock's eyes, which sparkled as he responded, "Hope the shower is big enough for two."

*~*~*~*~*

After the long, hot shower, Face and Murdock, exhausted, climbed back into bed. Murdock got in hesitantly beside Face, still unsure, despite their lovemaking, how to behave around the usually brash lieutenant. He looked up and saw Face, reclining, give him the sweetest smile. Then he reached out and pulled Murdock into his arms. Murdock allowed himself to relax against that golden body, allowed himself to be kissed lovingly. His face rested against Face's shoulder and he tilted his head to look up at Face.

Face reached for Murdock's hand and entwined it with his own. He studied their two hands together, linking and relinking their fingers, never letting go. He felt Murdock's gaze on him and turned to look at him. Murdock's eyes were huge and to Face's surprise, held tears. Face brought his hand to rest against Murdock's cheek, his own eyes filled with concern. "Murdock...what's the matter?"

Murdock shook his head hurriedly and a tear escaped down his cheek. "Not a thing, muchacha, not a thing. Just checking....just hoping...I..."

"Murdock..." Face silenced his fears with a loving kiss. "Murdock...all I want is to be honest with you...with myself. I've never wanted something so very much. This is real to me, more real than anything I've ever known. You and I...we have something - here." He touched Murdock's chest. "I connect with you in a way I've never, ever thought possible. I hope that you're willing to take a chance on me."

Murdock found himself grinning through the tears falling down his cheeks. "Faceguy..." he breathed. "You're more than a chance. You're a love song brought to life." He kissed him, softly, then more passionately. He felt himself rapidly growing hard once more, and grinned up at Face. "What do you think, Face? Willing to take another chance with me?" Eyes twinkling, Face pulled the lanky pilot into a deep kiss, then murmured against his lips, "Anytime, Captain. Anytime."

~end~


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