The best part about my poll? Is that I seriously don't know ONE THING about Fiona Apple (other than her relation to Garett Maggart). So everything - anything! - you people told me, I took as fact. Um. Except for what Nan says. I don't think Fiona Apple really eats babies.
Uh, anyway. So this is a look at the life of, um, Garett Maggart and his half-sister Fiona Apple, with guest appearances by Richard Burgi, and, uhm, a few mentions of Ken Wahl. And I promised to not thank Estrella for betaing it for me (she sent it back to me with the subject line YOU FUCKING OWE ME HOR. *hearts*)
Um. I have no excuse for this. At all. I pretty much owe the whole universe an apology. Disclaimer: Hi. this is in NO WAY based on the actual Garett Maggart. This is MADE-UP. FICTION. w00t.
He's not that bad!" Garett said unconvincingly. He swung his legs up on the bed and let his head hang back off the end. "He's just - sort of - I mean." He sighed, frowning up at the ceiling. "He's got maybe too much free time on his hands."
"Unlike you?" Fiona said, emerging from the bathroom in her kimono, rubbing her wet hair with a towel.
"Hey, I keep busy!" Garett stared at his sister. From this upside-down vantage point, she looked kind of like a space alien.
"Mm." Fiona sat on the edge of the bed, not really paying attention to him.
"I'm doing Moonridge again!"
"Uh-huh. Will your little boyfriend be there this year?"
"He's not little! Um." Garett flushed as Fiona turned her amused stare on him. "And he's not my boyfriend." Garett sat up, feeling a little dizzy from being upside down. He wasn't even sure if Richard was going to come this year. He'd said yes, but that was months ago. "There are tons of women there. You don't even know. They love me."
"Okay. Garett." Fiona patted his shoulder. "Now get out. I have to get ready to go. See, I have what they call a career."
She nudged him and he got up with a sigh, allowing her to propel him towards her bedroom door. "Can we come over later? If you're not home? Our cable's out again."
Fiona sighed. "Yeah. Just - keep an eye on Ken, okay? Don't let him touch my stuff."
Fiona shook her head at him and patted his head, shutting the door between them. Garett chewed on his lower lip. "And I have a career, you know."
"Demon Under Glass doesn't count, Garett," Fiona called through the door.
"I did Days of Our Lives, too!" he said indignantly.
"Go home, Garett." He heard her hair dryer start up, and sighed. Demon Under Glass did too count. There was a Yahoo group and everything.
He went home, and left another message on Richard's voicemail. "Dude, Moonridge - I'm telling you, there will be girls everywhere. They come from all over for it! It'll be just like back when we were on the show." He chewed on the phone cord for a second. He wasn't actually sure Richard missed his time on the show. Not that Garett did either; he was totally busy all the time now as it was. "Anyway. I hope you're getting these messages. I'm home most nights. Gimme a call! Maybe we can ride up together."
Garett jerked up from peering into the refrigerator when the front door slammed. He closed the fridge hastily and leaned back against it, going for casual. "Hey, Fiona," he said as she walked in and dropped her purse on the counter.
"You left the door unlocked again, Garett," she sighed. "And didn't I tell you to give me my key back?"
He blinked at her for a moment, then gave her a slow smile. "Aw, c'mon, Fi, don't you like coming home to a friendly face?"
She frowned at him grumpily. "Why are you here again, anyway? Can't you hang out with Ken?"
Garett fidgeted uncomfortably. "He's - busy, tonight." He turned and opened the fridge again. "Why don't you ever have any food? I'm starving."
Fiona crossed her arms and leaned back against the counter. "Busy doing what?"
"Nothing, just - hey, can we order a pizza?"
Fiona groaned. "He's having another one of his 'parties' again, isn't he?" She made air-quotes, just the way Ken did whenever he talked about one of things, and Garett cringed. "Garett. Listen. You can tell him not to. You pay the rent at that place!"
"He pays some!" Garett protested. He did. When his wife - wives? - let him have access to the bank account. Garett shifted uncomfortably. He wasn't quite sure how Ken paid for these - sigh - "parties." He was pretty sure that girl - Sabrina, the skanky one. Skankier one. - ended up footing most of the bill for this stuff. She was the one who did all the organizing for the damn things and she was pushy about it too. Pushed him right out of his own house.
"Garett," Fiona shook her head. "Just -"
"Pizza?" he said again, hopefully.
"You know I don't eat cheese."
"We can get it without!"
She sighed, and slipped off her shoes. "Fine, but you call for it." She padded out of the room.
"Okay." He picked up the phone, then put it down again. "Fiona?" He peeked into the living room. "Can you pay?"
Moonridge was awesome, and not just because it got him a weekend away from Ken. All those women waiting in line to see him, and they were really nice too - smart women! Not skeezy like Ken's girls. And they always ended up raising a lot of money for the zoo, and the zoo let Garett hold the big-ass snakes, and honestly, there was no downside.
But the coolest part was that Richard actually showed up this year. Garett hadn't seen him since the last Cascade Con, but really, Garett thought, as Richard crowded him up against the wall of the janitor's closet and closed his hand over the bulge in his jeans, some things never changed. Garett sighed happily and grabbed hold of Richard's shirt, tugging him down so he could kiss him. Richard muttered against his lips, "We have to be quick. We're on in ten minutes."
Garett grinned and slid to his knees. "Bad timing."
"God," Richard groaned as Garett got his pants open and his dick out. "Terrible timing. My wife told me this would happen."
"How is Lori, anyway?" Garett said, stroking Richard's cock and licking over the head where Richard was already leaking.
"Fine," Richard gasped. "I owe her ten bucks. Just -" He sank his hands into Garett's hair and pulled his head down on his dick. "Christ, you have a sweet mouth."
Garett swallowed around Richard's cock and did his best to deep throat him. Richard's hands tightened in his hair, and Garett moaned happily and unzipped his own pants.
He loved Moonridge.
Fiona's house was dark when he got back late Sunday, but he let himself in anyway. She hadn't taken his key away yet. He slipped off his shoes and padded across the empty living room. Why, he thought, would someone who had a recording contract and hit albums and - okay, yeah, fine, an actual career - not have any furniture? Her living room was nothing but a pristine light grey carpet covering the floor, with one long, low couch in the corner and an occasional table by the window. His sister was weird.
"Fi?" he called out, not wanting to startle her.
"Garett?" Fiona was peering at him from her bedroom doorway. Her hair was messed up and she looked half-asleep. "Don't you ever go to your own home?"
"Sure," he said, trailing along behind her as she crawled back into bed and pulled the covers up over herself. "It's just - Ken was out, and I just got back and - " He shrugged into the darkness, standing uncomfortably by her bed. "I just wanted to talk."
She moaned softly, burying her head in the pillow. "Okay. All right. Just -" Her head emerged from under the covers. "Sit down already." She sighed. "Tell me all about it. How was the Sentinel?"
Garett grinned, and climbed up on the bed, lying down next to her on his side. "Richard," he corrected her. "He hates it when you call him that. And he's good. He says to say hi. And that he likes your new album."
"Mmph," she said. "Did you make out with him?"
Garett smiled smugly. "Yeah."
She opened one eye and peered at him. "Did you guys, uh -?"
He could feel himself blushing. "He pulled me into the janitor's closet."
Fiona grinned and closed her eye again. "You owe me ten bucks."
Garett shifted a little on the bed, not really minding having lost this particular bet. "Yeah."
Fiona sighed into her pillow. "That's cool. Richard is hot." She yawned. "I still think that Canadian guy is prettier, though."
He looked at her. "Which guy?"
"The Mountie guy. From that show."
"Oh." Garett thought about it. "Yeah. He is. But he doesn't come to Moonridge."
"And his show was better than yours, too."
"Shut up." He shoved at her, even though she was right.
"Okay. Are you staying? Because I'm going to sleep now." She rolled over ostentatiously.
"Yeah." Garett looked at Fiona's back for a second. "Fi?"
"Whaat?" she groaned.
"Can I sleep in here? Your living room freaks me out."
"Yeah." Fiona reached back a slim hand and patted vaguely at Garett's chest. "You can stay here. Now shut up and go to sleep."
"Yeah, okay." But he lay there awake for a long time, listening to Fiona breathing and not thinking much about anything at all.
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