This is what Fraser has only recently learned about Ray Kowalski:
He knows that Ray is focused and determined in bed. That he likes to use his teeth, that he holds on tight enough to leave bruises. That he's not self-conscious about his body, that he moves around just as comfortably when he's naked as when he's dressed, and that he likes it when Fraser watches him. That he'll do whatever Fraser asks him to do, that he likes that, likes knowing what it is that Fraser wants. That he never gets tired of Fraser pinning his wrists to the bed, that he thinks it's funny that Fraser likes to lick his tattoo, but he lies very, very still while Fraser does so. It took Fraser until the third time they had sex to find the second tattoo high on his back to the left, but that was only because the first two times were in the car and up against the wall in Ray's foyer, respectively.
Ray likes it when Fraser licks that tattoo, as well.
Fraser knows that Ray wants it all the time, that if Fraser touches him, Ray will be ready for it. He knows that Ray sometimes doesn't wear anything under his jeans. He knows that Ray likes for it to be a little rough, likes for it to be hard and fast and loud. He knows that Ray makes a lot of noise when he comes and doesn't care what the neighbors think. He knows that even after they both come and are lying there drowsing together and Ray is muttering, "Sleep, Fraser, time for sleep," that Fraser can't stop touching him, drawing his hand down the long, lean length of Ray's body slumped there on the rumpled sheets.
This is what Fraser wishes:
He wishes he had been Ray's first, and he wishes he could stop being jealous about those who had Ray before him. He wishes that, as Ray shakes and trembles below him, that he could lose himself in this too, could be just as loud and careless in his passion as Ray is. He wishes that Ray would pin him down, hold him there, and he is waiting for Ray to figure that out. He wishes he could mark himself like Ray has, something that stands for Ray and yes and forever. He wishes he could stop worrying about where this is going and when it will end and just be.
He wishes for a lot of things, and this is what he learned from his grandmother: if wishes were horses, then beggars would ride.
This is what Fraser hasnít yet found out:
That Ray loves him even though he hasn't said so yet. That Ray thinks it's sexy when Fraser can only bite his lip instead of making a lot of noise. That when he asks Ray to come to Canada with him, Ray will say yes, and yes, and yes again.
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